The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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