I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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