I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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