don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
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You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize