the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
