how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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