The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
this hospital has no fireball
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
