then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
