I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
