My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
