how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
