We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
