hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
