You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
