If that was your dad, he is hot
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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