i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think your dad took our porno
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So vagazzling was a success
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
