So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
