on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
