I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
