I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
