is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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