I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
