She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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