I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
