so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
