okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
