This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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