I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
