oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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