literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
