Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
