i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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