At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
