He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
