that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
