dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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