You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
