i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I pour the whiskey from now on
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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