i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
