I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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