I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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