I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
