i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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