i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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