dude i'm inner monologue high
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
