Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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