is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
