i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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