he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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