I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you traded sex for a burrito?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
