okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
