He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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