You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
