at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
