Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
