Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
