I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
