I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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