It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
