We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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