my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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