He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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