Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
