That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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