since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
