Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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