just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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