I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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