he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you have to choose: penises or morals?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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